Once I was working in an injection moulding plant and the plastic comes out molten and the supervisor would often say:
Keep away from that stuff it'll stick to ya like shit to a blanket.
A variant of that one is
- like shit to a shiny shovel.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
Busy as a blue-arsed fly in a bottle at Christmas.
In and out like a honeymoon d!ck
A favourite from a senior estimator I worked with:
As clear as the wind to a blind horse.
s
Give us your best one liner
Started by
_cruiza_
, Sep 30 2010 06:40 PM
232 replies to this topic
#51
StephenSLR
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 01:29 PM
#52
TerrA LX
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 01:54 PM
Clear as mud.
#53
_CraigA_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 01:58 PM
Shiny as the bottom of a '72 heater cover washer 
#54
Collo
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 02:02 PM
Get a dog up ya
#55
_Big Fella_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 02:35 PM
I started out with nothing, and i've still got most of it left!
#56
_evil UC hatch_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 02:38 PM
a mates old man used to say,
She's as ugly as a bucket full of smashed crabs.
two I have said before,
If I wanted to hear from an arsehole, I would have farted.
if you want a decent comeback, wank into a fan.
and from Lano and Woodly
if all the village idiots left their villages, and created their own village, of idiots, in that village you would be the village idiot
She's as ugly as a bucket full of smashed crabs.
two I have said before,
If I wanted to hear from an arsehole, I would have farted.
if you want a decent comeback, wank into a fan.
and from Lano and Woodly
if all the village idiots left their villages, and created their own village, of idiots, in that village you would be the village idiot
#57
_Quagmire_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 02:55 PM
.....couldnt organise a root in a brothel with a wallet full of 50's
couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery
assholes fail to differ
as tight as a nun's fembits
sure i got more somewhere
#58
Heath
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:02 PM
If I wanted to cruise with Commodores I would just go for a drive.
#59
StephenSLR
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:04 PM
She's as ugly as a bucket full of smashed crabs.
Face like a smashed crab.
Face like a dropped pie.
s
#60
wot179
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:11 PM
All over the place like a mad womans shit.
#61
_Quagmire_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:16 PM
you drive like old people frock
you drive slower than my grandma AND SHE'S DEAD!
you drive slower than my grandma AND SHE'S DEAD!
#62
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:24 PM
this one had me pissing myself at a Footy game,
Fella 1- My Nan can run faster than you!
Fella 2 - YEAH AND SHES GOT NO LEGS!!
Fella 1- My Nan can run faster than you!
Fella 2 - YEAH AND SHES GOT NO LEGS!!
#63
StephenSLR
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:30 PM
Heard a great one from Fletch after one guy farted:
Gee, it works a lot better since you put the hole in it.
s
Gee, it works a lot better since you put the hole in it.
s
#64
_BLACK LH_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:48 PM
Guy at the wreckers told me " you'd have more luck finding a virgin in Elizabeth than a v8 torana in a wreckers mate"
funniest thing ive herd for a while
funniest thing ive herd for a while
Edited by BLACK LH, 01 October 2010 - 03:48 PM.
#65
Collo
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 03:51 PM
If I could just say a few words...I'd be a better public speaker
#66
orangeLJ
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 04:19 PM
Flopping around like a cock in a shirt sleeve
About as useful as a one legged man at an arse kicking party
about as useful as a hat full of arseholes
Tight as a nuns nasty
(usually said in regards to angry feminists)
"a good hard frOck in the arse would have her singing straight"
as funny as a pack of arseholes
I havent tasted piss/shit but this stuffs gotta be close!
About as useful as a one legged man at an arse kicking party
about as useful as a hat full of arseholes
Tight as a nuns nasty
(usually said in regards to angry feminists)
"a good hard frOck in the arse would have her singing straight"
as funny as a pack of arseholes
I havent tasted piss/shit but this stuffs gotta be close!
#67
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 05:28 PM
Up shits creek in a barb wire canoe with a fork for an oar.
She had tits so small it was like riding a surfboard.
As thick as the end of two short planks.
She had tits so small it was like riding a surfboard.
As thick as the end of two short planks.
#68
_dickiep_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 05:31 PM
Heard a great one from Fletch after one guy farted:
Gee, it works a lot better since you put the hole in it.
s
my dads favourite, "the horn works now try the lights"
a few ive seen on here
fits like a finger in the bum (instead of fits like a glove)
enough power to pull a priest off a choir boy (pretty rough call, not mine!!)
Edited by dickiep, 01 October 2010 - 05:32 PM.
#69
StephenSLR
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 06:22 PM
about as useful as a hat full of arseholes
I hear the NZ'ers take it one further:
'As ugly as a hat full of broken arseholes'
s
#70
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:04 PM
Old mate used to love hanging out the window and screaming out to couples on the footpath as we drove past - "Phuk her mate, I did", or to good looking girls "I'm a Wombat, eats roots shoots and leaves.
#71
StephenSLR
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:08 PM
s
#72
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:10 PM
enough power to pull a priest off a choir boy (pretty rough call, not mine!!)
Not enough power to pull the crust off a rice pudding.
A mate put a Holley on his HT and an excessively heavy return spring. Reckons it was "strong enough to pull a sailor off your sister"
#73
_napes_au_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:30 PM
Were BOTH your parents retarded???
'cause you look like a special girl to me!!!
'cause you look like a special girl to me!!!
Edited by napes_au, 01 October 2010 - 08:31 PM.
#74
_sunburst73-xu1_
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Posted 01 October 2010 - 08:37 PM
Good from a far but far from a good.
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